Pain

A good friend of mine (who takes amazing pictures - you'll often see them on here...) is in social work and lost a client this weekend. After reading her post, I began to dwell on pain. No sooner did I begin to ponder the scope and purpose when I realized I was trying to view an entire mountain with my nose pressed to the rock. The questions are overwhelming. My heart threatened to burst in comprehending the intensity of a pain so deep that it would push a woman over the edge into a fatal and frigid body of water, and then just as my eyes begin to open to the reality, my heart became colder than the water that consumed this woman.

Why have I become so dulled to pain? In fear of feeling too much, my mind shuts every door that leads to anguish. I feel empathy... I feel pain... but only to a certain point. "It's not real." Of course it's real, but that mantra, that phrase that you repeat to yourself subconsciously when you're watching a tragic drama or a tearful scene in a TV show, does it penetrate the line between fiction and reality? That switch you flip to keep yourself from crying in the back of the movie theater, does it flip itself when you're listening to something real? Do you find yourself switching off emotion when it gets to be too much, even when what you're witnessing is no longer fiction?

When I'm reading scripture, and I'm dwelling on the death of Jesus Christ on the cross, and when I'm trying to allow the weight of that sacrifice to soften my pride and break my heart, I find myself visualizing the story on a mental screen. As it flickers in front of my mind's eye (likely scenes from The Passion), it happens. I'm on the verge of breaking down, feeling something, and the switch flips again. I coldly watch, the image fades, and I'm back in my bedroom with a bible in my lap, and I cannot. Even. Cry. I'm cold.

This woman felt pain at a level so deep, that she was able to overcome what keeps the rest of us above water: that powerful fear and will to live that forces us to swim up and take a breath. I cannot feel a fraction of that pain. I do not want to feel the kind of pain that leads to death. But I do want to feel the kind of pain that leads to repentance. I want to feel anguish because anguish leads to that tight relationship with the Lord that I so desire. You can't experience true passion without anguish.

We watched a sermon on anguish in Sunday school a while back and it has really stuck with me.



I am asking the Lord to remove the frigid exterior from my heart and open it up to the pain that I know will save me from worldliness and apathy. I'm tearful for the thought of being so self centered that I cannot truly empathize. If I cannot feel the pain of the cross, I will never truly bind myself to the message of the cross. If I cannot feel the pain of the lost, I will never evangelize the way I was called. If I cannot feel the pain of the weary and burdened, how will I serve with a pure heart? How will I live out what Jesus called me to do? My motives will be sinful and impure until I can truly feel the anguish that leads us all to action.

Majesty

The picture just can't do it justice.

For one, I wasn't even looking through the viewfinder when I took it, I was driving. Two, there's just no way I could get all the color in just a second of exposure. Three, God's creation cannot be interpreted by a digital camera. My eyes could scarcely take it in. My mind was blown by the beauty. My heart overflowed.

Above me, the backdrop of bright blue was barely peeking through a looming curtain of blue-black, turbulant storm clouds. They spread their rippling fingers down into the blazing stripes of orange, yellow and red that were smeared across the horizon at a slight angle. The land was flat, unobtrustive, and I could almost imagine my car flying into the hemisphere without a road beneath it, about to crash into the majestic view before me. The entire span was so full of drama and movement, so full of contrast and visual power, I was humbled by the site of it.

The fact is, God did not have to paint the sky this way. We could have existed under an umbrella of black or white, never knowing the force or beauty of the plummeting sun. You have to ask yourself the question: Why? God has already given us the answer:

O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens.
-Psalm 8:1

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
-Psalm 19:1

Jesus Loves Me! Loves Me Still...

Sometimes it's hard for me to get into the message or the worship music at church. I listen and I try to let it sink in, and I know I learn, but it often fails to stir me up. I leave feeling informed, but not convicted. But then I come home, and I'm reading Max Lucado's children's books to Micah as he falls asleep, and I'm singing "Jesus Loves Me" to him.... and there it is. God is working through these small things intended for children and babies to call me home, to correct me, and to chisel away at my heart. Did I just need to get back to the basics? Back to the heart of things? Had my foundation cracked? Were the meatier messages at church slipping through my fingers because my hands had become too weak to receive them?

I think singing the lyrics to a song I've known since I was two years old (at least the first verse - my dad taught it to me while my mom was in the hospital having my sister) reminds me that God is the same today as he was 24 years ago, and he has been beside me this whole time.

Jesus loves me! this I know,

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong;

they are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! loves me still,

'tho I'm very weak and ill,

that I might from sin be free,

bled and died upon the tree.

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He who died

heaven's gate to open wide;

He will wash away my sin,

let His little child come in.

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He will stay

close beside me all the way.

Thou hast bled and died for me,

I will henceforth live for Thee.

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

The Bible tells me so.

Metaphorically Speaking...

If you want an apple, you can do one of three things.

1. Sit at your table and pray for an apple.
2. Plant some apple tree seeds, care for the seedling every day and pray that it will bear fruit.
3. Go out and buy an apple (but you only get one.)

The Power of Prayer

Tonight I am reminded of the incredible power of prayer. As I cried out to the Lord yesterday morning for help, I had no idea that so many things would begin to happen over the past 48 hours. Our life, like an episode of Grey's Anatomy, has had numerous sub-plots unfolding and intertwining over the past few years, building in intensity and drama, and reaching a point over the past few weeks that I felt it was all going to unravel at once. I was afraid to ask for it to all go away, as though it were too much to ask of God, who had already blessed us with so much. Who am I kidding? Who am I to stuff such a powerful and loving God into my small box, labeled "expectations." But at my breaking point, with solutions so far out of reach that I could almost laugh at the thought of trying to fix this on my own, I finally said it....

God, I'm tired of praying small prayers. This is a big one.....

And I won't go into detail about what I asked for, because you are the internet and this is much too private for you to hear, but suffice it to say that I was not only bold, but specific. I also confessed a lot of things that might have been preventing an answer (pride, lack of faith, etc.) I was also very confident that God would do something because he doesn't throw you into these situations unless he has a great plan to get you out of them (all for His Glory, of course.)

Boy, it does appear that he has a FANTASTIC plan to get us out of these messes. So for the past 48 hours I have watched in amazement as things have been HAPPENING. Left and right, things appear to be turning around and it reaffirms that I am not serving a powerless God or an unloving or uncaring God. They may not be changing the way I planned, but God's ways are always better than mine.

How fitting that the daily verse in my inbox this morning would read:

Deuteronomy 31:8--"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (NIV)

Enjoying the Journey

This week I blogged about the importance of "Daddy Time" on the Families Baby blog. My inspiration came from my husband and my son playing in the next room...

My husband will be the first to tell you that playing with his little man is no small task. Thinking of silly ways to entertain our four-month-old comes much easier to me. I can move quickly from one trick to the next, while my husband struggles to keep up with Micah's 5 minute attention span. "I can't wait for him to get older" is his mantra. He wants him to be able to say what he wants instead of cry. He also wants him to be able to move around on his own. Women cringe at this sentiment, knowing how quickly babies grow into the next stage, which has its own difficulties, but I understand his frustration. I felt the same way when we were dating. (I can't wait to get married - I'm tired of driving home every night!!) There are just certain stages in life that we can't wait to finish - college, looking for a spouse, planning a wedding - and it's hard to enjoy them, even if there are plenty of things to appreciate about each stage. We begin to focus on certain goals so much that we start to resent the journey. Before we know it, our goal is achieved and a fragment of history, and what is left? Did we waste all that time waiting for the next big thing and miss out on all the fun in between?

God enjoys the journey. You can tell just by looking around at creation. He could have populated the earth with a bunch of full grown adults, but instead he created pregnancy, babies, children, and childhood. In fact nearly everything in creation starts out small and grows. There is a reason trees take decades to reach their full height. There is a reason he doesn't wave a magic wand when we begin a relationship with him and turn us into the perfect Christian. We reach full maturity in Christ when we enter the gates of heaven; until then we embark on a spiritual journey of epic proportions. He slowly molds us through life's experiences, His perfect wisdom (the Word) and the power of His Holy Spirit. I think we should take a cue from creation and savor every bite of life. Every breath is a gift from God, who is the giver of life itself. Every moment deserves our full gratitude and appreciation for everything we receive.

Whenever I'm tempted to wish any part of Micah's "babyhood" away, I try to focus on all the good aspects (he can't run away or talk back, for example) that are unique to this season. I am trying to share these with my husband as well. In the meantime, I enjoy watching Micah bore a soft spot into Eric's heart with all his cute little antics.

I'm a Better Mama When I'm a Better Daughter

While perusing blogs tonight, I found something that really struck a chord.

The Barefoot Mama: "It's important to identify what impedes you as a mom and then prayerfully and purposefully design ways to fulfill those needs and structure your time in the home in order to attain a balance for yourself"

I've just discovered Kelly's blog through comments and I must pause and say, "Lord, you really know how to introduce me to the right people at the right time."

For me, "those needs" are primarily spiritual - specifically time spent in prayer and studying God's word. I'm a much better mama when I'm a better daughter. Spending time with my heavenly father each morning sets the tone for the entire day. It determines whether I stick to my priorities, the measure of patience I have for life's everyday hangups, the peace in my heart, and the smile on my face. I don't want Micah to know a mommy who doesn't intimately know her Savior. I desperately want him to know a mommy who will teach him, through example, what it means to love and serve the Lord with all his heart and soul... to find strength in God alone.

Reading Kelly's blog cemented a decision I made yesterday to sacrifice that last hour of sleep in the morning. Micah's naps were becoming too unpredictable to count on them for quiet time. Quiet times fell by the wayside for a while because of this, and my heart suffered greatly. You can only go so long on your own strength before life's stresses begin to eat away at your peace and joy. Who on earth lives a life without some type of stress or ongoing problem? In a sin-plagued world: no one. We were never meant to live a solitary life - we were created to live in relationship to our creator. You can only talk on your cell for so long before you need to plug it in - and spiritually, we are all living on a very short battery life. Jesus said "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." Apart from Jesus, YOU CAN DO NOTHING. You may think you are doing all kinds of things, but is it fruitful? Is it meaningful?

For me, skipping my time with God each morning greatly impedes my success as both a mom and a wife. Sacrificing that hour of sleep in the morning not only gives me an opportunity to worship God with my obedience and devotion, but forces me to trust him to provide me with the energy to get through the day. I'm not going to lie, I don't think it's a coincidence that the rare opportunity to nap in the afternoon magically appears when I start the day off right. My little guy will decide the only place he wants to take his afternoon nap is right by his mama, and his tired little mama is only too happy to oblige.

Devotions for Moms

I am on a quest to find all the best online devotions -- specifically for moms. Do you have a favorite online devotion that is geared towards moms? E-mail me the link and I will add it to this list!

Manna for Moms
Megan Breedlove writes devotionals for moms based on timeless stories of motherhood and her experiences with her own children. Megan is a mother to four children and has a master's degree in marriage and family counseling and a master's in religious education.

Proverbs 31 Ministries: Daily Devotions
Proverbs 31 Ministries is committed to bringing clear Biblical teaching to women in every walk of life through our conferences, retreats and church events. Their daily devotions offer today's busy women encouragement as they seek to draw closer to the heart of God. Written by a terrific team of women willing to be real with their struggles and their faith, you'll find their words relevant and refreshing. (Description taken from Proverbs31.org)

The Truth

To say nothing about the relationship I have with the Lord would leave a deep hole in my story, which is essentially the heart and sole of this blog. Because of this, I am compelled to share the journey I have walked with Christ and proclaim the good work he has done in my life. Though many Christ followers are quick to throw off the label of "Christian" in an effort to save face and avoid criticism, it is a part of my identity I cannot deny. I am sorry for the sins of past and present believers, but I do not apologize for the God that I serve. I know that His Word is rejected by the majority of the population, religious or not. That does not change the fact that it is truth.

I always knew about Him. After all, I grew up in a Christian home. But, I didn't really meet Him until I was 18 years old. We met at a conference. I've been to a lot of Christian conferences: this one was the Evangelical Free National Youth Conference in Atlanta, GA, in July of 2002. We had these huge rallies in the Georgia Tech dome each night. Chris Tomlin was the worship leader that week. I don't remember the name of the speaker the second night we were there, but it was during his sermon on Isaiah 6 that the Lord rocked the earth under my feet. It was a breathtaking, bone-crushing, heart-piercing experience that left me speechless for hours afterward. The Lord had confronted me with the reality of my sin and the sin of the world. The weight of that sin and its consequences - death and eternal separation from God - was laid on my heart. It was a burden that rested very heavily on me. I felt a physical pain and in my distress and shame, God reminded me of his mercy. I accepted his gift of grace with all my heart. This time it was for real. I was a changed person from that day forward.


Before God got in my face, I was a self-centered, hypocritical teen, lacking in integrity and control of my emotions. I struggled with intermittent depression that largely stemmed from an inward focus with a critical spirit. I had absorbed the negative, become somewhat bitter, and abandoned my identity in Christ to pursue popularity. I was totally unaware of my need for God's grace. A pivotal moment leading up to my true conversion happened during study hall when I was seventeen. A teacher interrupted me while I laughed and scoffed at the photos of disfigured people on a popular website. "Aren't you church people supposed to be nice? I thought religious people weren't supposed to make fun of people like that." I was wearing a church t-shirt at the time.

I went to the conference the summer after my senior year and I entered college with a renewed spirit and a hunger for truth. When I got to college, God used InterVarsity Christian Fellowship to teach me what it really meant to walk with the Lord. It was in college that I began to witness first hand the power of prayer. It is also where I began to really study God's Word and discover the character of God.

Today, I know God as my comforter, my provider, my King and my salvation. It is through an eternal perspective that I endure life's hardships, knowing that one day this temporary home will vanish like a vapor and I will walk with the Lord in Heaven for eternity. Until then, it is my desire and purpose to continue to be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God... [To be] strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified [me] to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered [me] from the domain of darkness and transferred [me] to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom [I] have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. [Colossians 1:9-14]

Children Are a Blessing

I know that many of the topics that are discussed in Lies Women Believe are difficult. Also, some of the truths, out of context, can seem unreasonable. For example, in my recent post No Higher Calling, the assumption is that you are married with children. Clearly having a career is a noble pursuit if it does not mean neglecting your family. I do believe, however, that if you have chosen to have children, any job you hold should come second to raising those kids, no matter how much you enjoy your job.

I work at home as a writer, and I choose to complete my work while my son is asleep. I do this so my job does not interfere with raising my son. I have had offers to work outside of the home, or to work hours that would require getting childcare, but I have turned these opportunities down because I believe that I am the best parent for my little one. The best place for a young child is at home with one or both parents. They need our constant attention and guidance. Unfortunately, I recognize that I am in the minority when it comes to my views on raising kids. Most kids grow up outside the home these days.

Children are a blessing, not an inconvenience. In this society and many others today, children are seen as something to work around, delay, drop off, or avoid. Children should be embraced! They teach us lessons that cannot be learned anywhere else. They bless us in ways that no one else can. They will shape us into responsible, caring, humble people, if only we will allow them.

Last night's topic on children was particularly difficult for one woman who desired a family, but for reasons unknown to me, she and her husband were never able to bear children. Unfortunately the author of Lies Women Believe did not touch on this subject and I believe it led this woman to feel guilt for her loss. She ended up leaving before the end of the study. Children are indeed a blessing, but not all of us will have the opportunity to receive that blessing. Childless families should not be condemned for failing to have children; we do not always know the reasons behind the circumstances. Sometimes women are unable to conceive, and sometimes there are difficult health issues involved - it may be too dangerous or life threatening to conceive a child. God always chooses life. It is understandable for a woman to use non-abortive methods to avoid having children if her life is at stake.

Next week we are discussing women and their emotions... this should get interesting!!

No Higher Calling

There is no higher calling according to the will of God, than for a woman to be a wife and a mother. She is designed to be a mother, a nurturer. Her success and worth are not rooted in her position on the corporate ladder, nor in her the shape of her body, nor the smoothness of her face. The measure of a woman lies in the extent to which she serves as the heart and soul of her home, her family. The world's plan, under the mask of feminism and incorrectly labeled as freedom, is in fact a crack in the foundation of family life. God's plan is for a woman to give her best and her all to her family and her home - to her husband and children. He has given her the strength, the creativity, the thriftiness, the love, the care, the attention to detail, the wisdom and the skill to run a household. It's no small job. And woman, wife, mother... is no small position.

1 Timothy 5:10
And having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 3:20
The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.

Titus 2:4-5
and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Genesis 2:18
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

---

This post was inspired by the book I'm currently reading, Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free, for the Women of Hope summer bible study. Lie #20: A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother.

There Is Time...

To do everything (that God has intended for me to do.)

I'm currently reading Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free for the Women of Hope summer bible study. I think I've reached the most critical chapter of the book for me personally, and that is Lies that Women Believe... About Priorities. Instantly, lie #18 stuck out like a sore thumb.

"I Don't Have Time to Do Everything I'm Supposed to Do."

Could this book be any more relevant to my current struggles? A few weeks ago, I cried while sharing the mountain I've been climbing both emotionally, physically and spiritually. My thought process was as follows:

It's an hourly struggle: 'what am I supposed to do with my time?' I have a million things I could be doing, but I don't know which is most important! Should I work (and try to make some money) or should I play with my son? Should I attempt to clean this house or should I watch a movie with my husband? Should I get the exercise I need or take a nap? Should I spend time in the Word or finish my assigned blog by midnight? At the end of the day, I feel like I have nothing accomplished and I'm still worried about the bank account.

DeMoss presents an entirely different perspective that is incredibly liberating!

"The Truth is that all I have to do is the work God assigns to me. What a freedom it has been for me to accept that there is time for me to do everything that is on God's 'to do' list for my day, for my week, and for my life!"

I need to drop everyone else's agenda and focus on what God has for me to do. Each season of life has its own set of priorities. It has become increasingly clear what my role is supposed to be, and I have learned to take my "to do" list to the Lord to have it cleaned out. When Micah falls asleep for his nap, I ask God, "What should I do with this time you've given me." Usually the important task at hand becomes clear. My Monday may not look the same as my Tuesday because of this. Sometimes dishes sit in the sink until the next morning, but I have a happy baby and a healthier walk with the Lord. I may not get to work on my blog until midnight (I write for Families.com), but it always gets done and we're eating healthier meals these days. I have eliminated the frustration I used to feel when my baby would wake up sooner than expected or need to be held more than usual. When this happens, the truth is clear in my mind: I am a mother, this is my highest priority right now. This is exactly what I should be doing with my time... right now.

As long as I am not wasting time and I am committing my plans to the Lord, I can be assured that I am accomplishing everything He has set out for me to do that day. I can rest easily at night in full confidence that I have finished all that was supposed to be finished.

Meet Me and My Family

My name is Kimberly. I am the author of this blog (obviously). You can call me Kim or Kimmama. The nickname "Kimmama" was given to me by my best friend, whom I refer to as "Chrystalicious." The nickname became more sentimental when I became a mother, and when I decided to move my blog to Blogger, it was the only name that would do.

I was born in California to two amazing, loving parents while my dad served in the Air Force. When my dad got out we moved back to the cheese state where my mom was raised. That's essentially where I stayed until I got married shortly after college. Now I live in the flat lands.

This is my husband, Eric. He's a software engineer, aka computer programmer. We met in college, and though we did not attend the same schools, we were both involved in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. We both went to Chapter Focus Week, a week long retreat up at Cedar Campus in Michigan, near Mackinaw Island. There were hundreds and hundreds of college students up there that week, and apparently he saw me across the room in the mess hall. (I was wearing bright yellow pants.) It also helped that my best friend was in small group with him that week. Over the course of a series of entertaining and sometimes awkward events, she decided I should date him. I believe the conversation went something like this:

Me: Eric is really cool. You should date him!
Chrystal: Why don't you date him?!

A few months later I took her suggestion. Turns out he had liked me since we met (albeit briefly) at Cedar Campus. A little over a year later, we got married. That was in August of 2006. We've been disgustingly happy ever since!

This is my son, Micah. He has only been alive for a short time (almost six months), so there is not much history there. But I can tell you that he came out like a lightening bolt and he's kept me on my toes ever since. His birth went something like this:

Nurse: The Pitocin may take quite a while to work.
Me: (Five minutes later*) I think I need to push.
Eric: What's that?
Me: I'M POOPING!
Nurse: That's not poop, that's his head! Don't push!
Me: *freaks out*
Doctor: (rushing in) Do I have time to change?
Nurse: 2 minutes!
Doctor: (2 minutes later, just sat down) Do you want to touch his head?
Me: Oh my baby!! Oh my baby!! Ouch! Ow! Ow! Aaaaahhh!!! (Veins pop out of my neck like the Hulk)
Micah: Waaaaaaa!!!!!!

(*I may have exaggerated a tiny bit.)

My family means the world to me, and that is the understatement of the century. They come second only to my relationship with God. He should really be the first mentioned in this little introduction, because He is not only a part of my family as my Heavenly Father, he created my family.

I always knew about Him since I grew up in a Christian home. But, I didn't meet Him until I was 18 years old. We met at a conference. I've been to a lot of Christian conferences: this one was the Evangelical Free National Youth Conference in Atlanta, GA, in July of 2002. We had these huge rallies in the Georgia Tech dome each night. Chris Tomlin was the worship leader that week. I don't remember the name of the speaker the second night we were there, but it was during his sermon on Isaiah 6 that the Lord rocked the earth under my feet. It was a breathtaking, bone-crushing, heart-piercing experience that left me speechless for hours afterward. That's material for a whole other post, but suffice it to say that I was a changed person from that day forward. I don't want to run on about the changes the Lord made in my heart and in my life, because I hope those are evident in my blog already. If not, I hope they will be. We are saved once, but we are sanctified every day thereafter. I hope you find yourself reading this blog in a few years and noticing a clear progression: a maturity that speaks for what the Lord is doing in my life each and every day. I should be a better woman today that I was yesterday. And I pray I'll be a better woman tomorrow.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is my family. You'll be hearing a lot about them in the future. Hopefully. there will be more and more of them over the next few years!

Daily Vacation: The Importance of QT's in My Life

Why is it so easy to drop everything and hop in the car to go meet a friend for an hour, and yet finding the time (or making the time) to spend some uninterrupted time with God seems to constantly slip off the schedule?

One of the best privileges of having a personal relationship with God is just that, making it personal! When I can regularly dig into scripture and make time for prayer, I notice a drastic change in my daily life. My attitude improves, I'm less irritable, I feel more productive and I'm less prone to feel lethargic and lazy about my to-do list, I'm nicer to Eric, I feel happier, I'm more optimistic about life situations and stress, I gain a clear understanding of the big picture and I roll with the punches. I would go so far as to say it affects my entire life.

Much like skipping a meal makes your blood sugar drop, skipping out on fellowship with God, which we were created for, slowly strips away your spiritual vitality. I know this and I have experienced it so many times, and yet I am still struggling from time to time to make this a priority. It's something that is important to me but remains difficult to prioritize. I need my daily vacation from life! Without it, I turn into someone I don't like, and over time it feels like my heart grows cold. When I do meet consistently with Him, I am renewed. The difference is as tangible as applying or removing a flame from a pot of water - either the water boils or it doesn't. The heat may not be visible, but the proof is in the bubbles.

Have you ever seen the commercials for Quaker Oats where people talk about their sinking cholesterol levels? They say "I'm living proof." Ladies and gentleman who question that 1) God is real or 2) God is active.... "I'm living proof." No other person, thing, or practice has such power to change my whole being in such a dramatic fashion. To deny God would be to deny this visible phenomenon.

Today I read an article to remind myself of these things.... it helps to hear it from someone else, especially someone who really knows what they are talking about. Married couples sometimes need to sit back and think about the reasons they fell in love. I also wanted to reminisce about my reasons for wanting to make this commitment in the first place - that is - my commitment to spend time daily with God. After a little "googling" I found a very good article (albeit long) on Bible.org. You can read it here: The Quiet Time: What, Why and How, by Greg Herrick Th.M., Ph.D.

[As a side note: If you are unfamiliar with the term "quiet time" it simply means time set aside to read and meditate on scripture (the bible), pray, journal; basically whatever medium you use to focus on building a stronger relationship with Jesus. ]

God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. 1 Corinthians 1:9

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Joshua 1:8

Becoming a Prisoner of Hope

Micah is two weeks old today. It's hard to believe I've had him that long already! Time is going by so fast. I love staying home with him - he certainly keeps me busy.

I feel like God has really been revealing some things about myself to me through parenting Micah. I laugh when Micah gets so flustered while I'm getting ready to feed him. He gets so worked up because he's hungry, and is oblivious to the fact that he's about to eat. I laughed about this and yet I realized that I act the same way towards the Lord sometimes.

He is aware of my needs and he promises to provide for me - and yet in the midst of hunger (whether it be spiritual, financial, etc.), I find myself oblivious to the fact he is my provider and is undoubtledly moving things into place to do just that. Like my newborn son, I cry out as though I'm helpless and hopeless, as though he has forgotten about me or may be unaware of my needs, and become distraught in my worry and discomfort.

He must chuckle the way I do as I bring Micah close to eat, knowing that he is as good as fed. When Micah matures, he will recognize my actions and see that he will be eating in a matter of moments, and so he will be much more calm. He will not scream with his eyes tightly shut, but approach me with his eyes wide open, in full expectation of what he knows I will give him.

That is the attitude I need to strive for. I need to be a "prisoner of hope." I should approach the throne, not with anxiety, but with the peace that comes with full confidence that the Lord will provide what I need, when I need it. I would never deny Micah his food, why do I ever doubt my heavenly Father?