Love and Gratitude

This post is about how much I love (LOVE!!) my husband. I would say something really poignant about how our love "withstands the fire and trials of life" to go with the above picture, but then you would hear me laughing across the expanse of the internet. Not that it isn't true...

Eric and I are certainly not the only people holding on for dear life during this economical death wave the news is calling a recession. You know, the one which is supposedly over? Yesterday I saw a man driving down our street in a white van with our city's logo plastered on the side. He parked across the street to slip a red notice over the neighbor's door handle. I'm assuming that means we are not the only ones struggling to pay our water bill (among others). I paid mine online yesterday morning, otherwise that might have been our door he tagged. It was probably just a scary threat... "YOU'LL NEVER HAVE RUNNING WATER AGAIN if you don't pay the $18.53 that is 30 DAYS delinquent." That pretty much sums up the attitude my city has towards its residents.

Despite the drama of bill collectors and the tears we've shed over not being able to eat at the Chinese Buffet anymore, our money "problems" have only united us. A lot of couples end up fighting, but some how we've managed to learn how to laugh at our situation. We also share a perspective in that we recognize that we have led privileged lives, and the luxuries we've been forced to give up have never been a reality for many.

Most of the credit goes to Eric. He is the calm one.  In the five years that I have known him, he's lost his temper maybe one time and even then it paled in comparison to my past explosions. He's also very level headed and always has the perfect words to immediately extinguish any panic or frustration on my part. God created hot springs, sunsets, soft breezes, and crackling fires... and then he created Eric.

On top of that, he adores our baby, and everyone knows that while a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, the way to a woman's heart is through her children. When he comes home for lunch, Micah lights up and can't take his eyes off of him, and neither can I. He swoops Micah up to play airplane and the little guy can't stop grinning from ear to ear. In a few years, they'll be inseparable; there's no doubt in my mind.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to take time to really consider how the Lord has blessed me and sincerely thank Him for everything. By far, one of the biggest gifts in my life is Eric. Not only is he the love of my life, but God has used him to mold me and teach me over the years. He has helped me to become more disciplined and more patient. Through our marriage, God has blessed us with an adorable son, who steals my heart every morning when he greets me with smiles and squeals of delight. I have found a life-long friend in my husband; a person who I can count on and love for the long haul. Even though we are broke (for now), we have the Lord, our health and our family, and that carries much more value than all the money in the bank.

My How Time Flies

We met at Chapter Focus Week in 2004. This picture was taken at Chapter Focus Week (at a different camp) in 2005, five months into our relationship. I remember at this point, we already knew we were going to get married. We made the engagement official a month or so later when we finally bought the ring... but we didn't care about making if official. It was real enough already. It's funny looking at these pictures because we look so different now, I think. I can't believe we are approaching five years since our first date. It's not so hard to believe that we have been together that long... but it is hard to believe all of the things we have gone through in that time frame... especially the fact that we are parents now! Our biggest stress at the time was getting through college. Now our trials are so much more... grown up!

The Secret to LIKING Your Husband (Again)

Ladies, if you've ever gritted your teeth in frustration and felt yourself growing increasingly irritated with your husband, whether it's a bad habit, annoying behavior or a repeated "mistake," I have the answer that will change your marriage. And no... I'm not going to call your husband and tell him to get his act together! I don't have two tickets to Dr. Phil to give away. I'm not even going to teach you how to change him.

We Had No Idea

In May of 2004, Eric and I spent a week walking the same beaches, eating in the same mess hall, listening to the same speakers, hanging out with the same people (specifically my best friends from college), and frequently being photographed by the same girl (Jenny, who took the photos below). We only met once: a group of us gathered one evening in the mess hall, crowded around the coffee station, mixing hot chocolate with raspberry coffee creamer. The kitchen was dimly lit and shadows were cast across his features. I didn't even recognize him as the same guy later in the week when a friend pointed him out. I absolutely had no idea I had met my husband... 500 miles away from home... and we grew up 35 minutes apart on either side of the state line.

Hundreds of college students were gathered at Cedar Campus that week. In a sea of denim and sweatshirts, I stuck out wearing a pair of bright yellow pants with a Wisconsin Dells logo plastered across the butt. The yellow pants, the freckles, the everything else... it left a lasting impression on Eric. Me? I didn't give him a second thought. I wish I could go back... it would have been a fun week knowing what I know now.

Fast forward to the year's end. Clicked on his screen name in my friend's buddy list just for fun, and I found myself talking to the most awesome person on the planet. Loved what he had to say. Loved the way he made me laugh. Had no idea who he was. He knew exactly who I was. He had been reading my blog on and off the whole summer. He was interested in me. A few hours into the conversation, my friend and I pulled up pictures from the conference and I realized that this screen name had a face... and his face was fine.

Five years later, I look back at these pictures and laugh at how I could spend a whole week crossing paths with my future husband and not even realize it. I have so many pictures of him from that week because he hung out with my friends the entire time. How come I didn't notice him? Why wasn't there this big arrow pointing at his head, saying "this is the one, dummy, stop flirting with that other guy and pay attention to this one!" What was wrong with May? Why did I have to wait until January 7th to have dinner with the man who would hold my heart forever? Why did I date that other guy in the meantime? What was the purpose?

I may not know the answers to any of these questions, but it doesn't matter. Tonight we took our son to the park for the first time, we tag teamed dinner, we managed to get the little guy to bed by 7 and spent the next hour cuddling and laughing our heads off at AFV. We shared mini marshmallows and chocolate chips. I am so blessed, I cannot even begin to comprehend the depth of the Father's love, knowing I deserve none of this.

Quality Time

Eric and I were discussing ways we could spend more quality time together. Our problem, like many other married couples I'm sure, is that our hobbies are... different. You will never catch me on a computer playing Counterstrike. You will never see Eric with a ball of yarn and a hook in his hands unless you travel back in time to his childhood when his grandmother taught him how to crochet. We can't figure out what brought us together except for the fact that we think the same jokes are funny and the same goals in life are worth pursuing. We are also incredibly attracted to each other, physically, but that is not something I want to publish on the internet for my son and his friends to read in fifteen years and become horribly embarrassed about. Or maybe I do.

Micah, your father and I are extremely attracted to each other in the physical sense.



As far as hobbies are concerned, we have found common ground on the following territories:

1. Cribbage
2. Ping Pong
3. Movies
4. Scrabble
5. Yahoo Euchre

Often our conversations go something like this:

Me: "Do you want to do something?"

Eric: (Picturing the scrabble board or some other activity I'm likely to suggest) "No, that's okay, babe."

Isn't that horribly sad and pathetic?!

So. Quality Time... we decided to see if we could use his parents' old PlayStation since his sister, who still lives at home, really wants a new system. I think she wants an X Box. I think Eric will compromise his Gamers' Integrity by playing a little Wheel of Fortune, Packman, and Bejeweled with me.

What kinds of hobbies do you share with your spouse?

No Higher Calling

There is no higher calling according to the will of God, than for a woman to be a wife and a mother. She is designed to be a mother, a nurturer. Her success and worth are not rooted in her position on the corporate ladder, nor in her the shape of her body, nor the smoothness of her face. The measure of a woman lies in the extent to which she serves as the heart and soul of her home, her family. The world's plan, under the mask of feminism and incorrectly labeled as freedom, is in fact a crack in the foundation of family life. God's plan is for a woman to give her best and her all to her family and her home - to her husband and children. He has given her the strength, the creativity, the thriftiness, the love, the care, the attention to detail, the wisdom and the skill to run a household. It's no small job. And woman, wife, mother... is no small position.

1 Timothy 5:10
And having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 3:20
The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.

Titus 2:4-5
and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Genesis 2:18
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

---

This post was inspired by the book I'm currently reading, Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free, for the Women of Hope summer bible study. Lie #20: A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother.

Meet Me and My Family

My name is Kimberly. I am the author of this blog (obviously). You can call me Kim or Kimmama. The nickname "Kimmama" was given to me by my best friend, whom I refer to as "Chrystalicious." The nickname became more sentimental when I became a mother, and when I decided to move my blog to Blogger, it was the only name that would do.

I was born in California to two amazing, loving parents while my dad served in the Air Force. When my dad got out we moved back to the cheese state where my mom was raised. That's essentially where I stayed until I got married shortly after college. Now I live in the flat lands.

This is my husband, Eric. He's a software engineer, aka computer programmer. We met in college, and though we did not attend the same schools, we were both involved in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. We both went to Chapter Focus Week, a week long retreat up at Cedar Campus in Michigan, near Mackinaw Island. There were hundreds and hundreds of college students up there that week, and apparently he saw me across the room in the mess hall. (I was wearing bright yellow pants.) It also helped that my best friend was in small group with him that week. Over the course of a series of entertaining and sometimes awkward events, she decided I should date him. I believe the conversation went something like this:

Me: Eric is really cool. You should date him!
Chrystal: Why don't you date him?!

A few months later I took her suggestion. Turns out he had liked me since we met (albeit briefly) at Cedar Campus. A little over a year later, we got married. That was in August of 2006. We've been disgustingly happy ever since!

This is my son, Micah. He has only been alive for a short time (almost six months), so there is not much history there. But I can tell you that he came out like a lightening bolt and he's kept me on my toes ever since. His birth went something like this:

Nurse: The Pitocin may take quite a while to work.
Me: (Five minutes later*) I think I need to push.
Eric: What's that?
Me: I'M POOPING!
Nurse: That's not poop, that's his head! Don't push!
Me: *freaks out*
Doctor: (rushing in) Do I have time to change?
Nurse: 2 minutes!
Doctor: (2 minutes later, just sat down) Do you want to touch his head?
Me: Oh my baby!! Oh my baby!! Ouch! Ow! Ow! Aaaaahhh!!! (Veins pop out of my neck like the Hulk)
Micah: Waaaaaaa!!!!!!

(*I may have exaggerated a tiny bit.)

My family means the world to me, and that is the understatement of the century. They come second only to my relationship with God. He should really be the first mentioned in this little introduction, because He is not only a part of my family as my Heavenly Father, he created my family.

I always knew about Him since I grew up in a Christian home. But, I didn't meet Him until I was 18 years old. We met at a conference. I've been to a lot of Christian conferences: this one was the Evangelical Free National Youth Conference in Atlanta, GA, in July of 2002. We had these huge rallies in the Georgia Tech dome each night. Chris Tomlin was the worship leader that week. I don't remember the name of the speaker the second night we were there, but it was during his sermon on Isaiah 6 that the Lord rocked the earth under my feet. It was a breathtaking, bone-crushing, heart-piercing experience that left me speechless for hours afterward. That's material for a whole other post, but suffice it to say that I was a changed person from that day forward. I don't want to run on about the changes the Lord made in my heart and in my life, because I hope those are evident in my blog already. If not, I hope they will be. We are saved once, but we are sanctified every day thereafter. I hope you find yourself reading this blog in a few years and noticing a clear progression: a maturity that speaks for what the Lord is doing in my life each and every day. I should be a better woman today that I was yesterday. And I pray I'll be a better woman tomorrow.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is my family. You'll be hearing a lot about them in the future. Hopefully. there will be more and more of them over the next few years!

The Marriage Spoiler: The Problem with Complaining

Steve Pavlina is a personal development blogger. He wrote "Personal Development for Smart People." He says,

"Complaining, like all thought patterns, is not mere observation. Complaining is a creative act. The more you complain, the more you summon your creative energies to attract something to complain about. Your complaints may seem fully justified, but realize that whenever you complain, you are placing your order for more of the same. Complaining is not merely about the past. Whenever you make a complaint, realize you are setting an intention — a goal — for the future."

Steve is onto something. Basically what he is saying is if you spend the mental energy on pinpointing the negative in one circumstance, you'll form a habit of detecting the negative in every circumstance. It becomes addictive. Complaining goes beyond an inital negative reaction to an unfortunate event - it ruminates over and over about that event and moves on to surrounding circumstances, until everything looks bleak. It clouds your focus and dampens your mood. Pretty soon it seems like everything is going wrong and you're caught in a vicious cycle.

Complainers are never happy people.

Complaining doesn't just hurt the person complaining, however. Complaining destroys relationships and marriages, too. Lets say your spouse accidentally threw his red shirt in with the whites this morning, leaving all your clean white socks and undies an unsightly shade of pink. Nobody is going to convict you for getting upset. However, if you think about it all the way to work, then tell every coworker what he did, twitter about it, write about the event on your blog, and then whine to your mother-in-law; you are planting a seed of discontent and resentment in your own heart. When you get home from work, not only will you still be upset about that pink load of laundry, but you will discover that throughout the day, you added to your list of complaints about your spouse. You told your coworkers how he said it was not a big deal, you twittered about how "dumb" he is, you blogged about the last time he ruined your clothes in the laundry (that shrunken sweater?), and you told his mom how mean he is when you don't cook the chicken just right. Last night you were married to a wonderful man, but tonight you're married to a jerk. Only he didn't change -- your attitude towards him did. Why? You complained about him all day. Now, not only is your relationship suffering, but you've given your friends and family a negative view of your spouse, which may affect his relationship with them as well.

You may be thinking - how else would I react?

The answer to this problem is to forgive, forget and flatter. Go ahead and express your frustration to your spouse or to whatever problem you are facing. Take steps to fix it if necessary, but after all is said and done, if there is nothing you can do to further improve the situation, put it to rest. If you find yourself in a crummy mood because your socks are pink, for example, make a point to tell your coworkers about something nice your husband did for you in the past week. Then twitter about how sexy he is. Blog about his big promotion. Tell his mom what a nice cook he is. Then come home and realize that your marriage is just too good to take for granted, especially over a load of pink socks and undies. It goes against every impulse, but it works. Focus on the positive, brag about it, blog about it, make a movie about it if you want --- and the negative will melt away (or just won't matter as much.) Your husband will smile and probably breathe a sigh of relief, and so will you.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

--Ephesians 4:29